On a quiet evening at the beginning of May
When the bat was in the skies
I heard a tearful young maiden
Singing beneath the shadow of the green branches
The sun was setting in the sea
And no stars yet graced the sky
When the young girl sang sorrowfully
“My love is on the high seas”
 
The night’s dew began to fall
Each bloom yielding softly to the droplets
The wind blew in a fragrant breeze
Bringing life and renewal to each field
The girl tunefully sang her song
Quiet and peaceful like the June dew
And this chorus constantly repeated
“My love is on the high seas”
 
Day darkened and the stars shone
Setting their course amongst the clouds
The maiden sat, burdened by her sadness
Her singing could not have been more soothing
I moved closer to the young woman
Singing of her love sailing on the sea
Oh sweet was her sad lament
“My love is on the high seas”
 
The music enticed me
Nearer to the brown-haired maiden of the warm eyes
And she prayed to the King of Heaven
“Protect my love on the high seas”
Her heart was breaking with love
When I took her by the hand
“Wipe your eyes, your love is safe
I have returned to you from the high seas”

Now that my years in college are coming to a close I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve grown since I came here.

And I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that I’m not above anyone, that we are all on a horizontal playing field, and it all looks different depending on your perspective. I realized that what brought me to UD was a high and mighty attitude, assuming that my talents and hard work for great grades would be wasted at a less prestigious institutions. While I’d never give up my 4 years here for anything, I’ve learned that life is what you make it and that I could have achieved my dreams at any school, regardless of whether it was “good enough” for me. 

I thought I was above getting my hands dirty or flipping burgers. I’m not. Just because someone has chosen to find their happiness on a different path doesn’t mean theirs was any less fulfilling. I’m thankful for those lessons. And I’ll keep them in mind forever.

I’ve always wanted to not give a fuck. While crying helplessly into my pillow for no good reason, I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic badasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things.

Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers
within yourself that you have built against it.

Rumi

I’m sending this to you via telepathy and tumblr. I hope you see it and know it’s for you.

I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins. —Shell Silverstein

Things are going to change drastically in my life this year, and frankly I’m scared. I don’t know what I want and I’m afraid that I’ll go the way I feel I’m “supposed” to because I’m too afraid to make a crazy choice.

But I need something new. I’m a big believer in the fact that how you feel emotionally is directly related to how you feel physically. Right now, I’ve slept for about 16 hours today feeling dizzy and exhausted every time I wake up. Am I sick? Do I have the flu? I can’t say for sure either way, but my instincts tell me that the sadness in my heart has drained me. The hardest things to endure losing are the ones that brought you those big, can’t control it, sparkle in your eye kind of smiles. The kind of people you meet that give new meaning to things you never gave much consideration to before. A hug, for instance was a place to hide from the things that scare you in life, not just an affectionate hello. But, it’s a new year, a time to persevere and help yourself.

2011 was by no means a terrible year, there were wonderful moments I’ll never forget. I left the country for the first time, I met some great people from all over the country, saw Pretty Lights for the first time (and most certainly not the last!!), and of course learned a little about myself. I will treasure those memories, but somehow it seems tainted by the sadness I feel and nervousness about what’s to come.

Stepping into a new year means getting ready for a new life and I’m just not sure what that life is going to be like. I know this nervousness is normal and that breaking out of the college bubble I’ve created for myself is going to be a new transition and nothing like anything I’ve ever experienced before. Being a real adult is scary. Like, I’ve never even paid my own cell phone bill.